listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
