Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
