i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
