Got a toothbrush?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize