tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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