pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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