3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
