the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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