she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
