worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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