Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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