bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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