she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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