yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
