he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
