Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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