My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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