So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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