Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
