I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
