He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
