the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
