i jhust puked up my retainher.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
