remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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