I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
