Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
