Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
