Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
