oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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