Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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