Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
