cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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