He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
