Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
