Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
