On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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