If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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