I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
