Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
