she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
