I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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