the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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