You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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