I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
