So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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