How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize