Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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