I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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