I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
