dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
