I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
