he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
