Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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