When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
