Pants 0. Shit 1.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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