Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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