it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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