I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
time to smoke my breakfast
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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