I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
