You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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